Navigating Complex Relationships with Parents: A Journey to Healing

What’s your relationship like with your parents? The most common answer I get to this question is “complicated”.

For me, with a manic-depressive mum and an alcoholic dad, it was certainly complicated. Coming out of childhood and into my twenties, I chose to be saintly in my outer appearance but was a wee bit less saintly inside my head. I expressed all the understanding I could muster for their respective hardships but left myself out of the story in terms of my pain and hurt. This left me nursing resentments, sadness, and anger.

I’ve come to terms now. Partly with therapy, partly with having my own kids, but mostly with choosing to walk a path of the heart. Compassion that can include everyone in the story. So now, yes, I can say I love my mum, I love my dad. I don’t like lots of things they did, but I love them.

What about you?

• Are you the dutiful son/daughter/offspring but resent the position?
• Do you wonder why you're caring for your elderly parent when you don't feel you got the care you needed as a child?

Perhaps you have a loving relationship with your parents and are fearful of encroaching illness and eventually losing them (Alzheimer's, dementia, or death?).

Or maybe you’re currently mourning their passing and feel like your rock has gone, you’re floating without ballast.

Finding Peace Through Mindfulness and Therapy

Mindfulness practice and/or therapeutic counselling grounded in mindfulness supports you to come to terms with your situation, past, and present. You can develop a new relationship with all the emotions surrounding parents--reduce feelings of guilt, judgment, or frustration. You can step into your own shoes fully, feel at peace, and be the best parent or (adult) child you can be with the resources you have available.

Imagine This Scenario:

Your parents have become older and are reliant on your help, support, and care. You are struggling with the transition to caring for your parents, balancing care with a busy life, and dealing with emotions.

• Do you enjoy seeing your kids have a good relationship with their grandparents, but it leaves you wondering why you didn't feel unconditionally loved in your childhood?
• Are you the dutiful son/daughter/offspring but resent the position? Do you feel like you can't say no but get REALLY frustrated at your siblings just carrying on with their lives?
• Are you caring for an elderly parent but are frustrated with their bad habits/unwillingness to help themselves?
• Or perhaps your parents (or one of them) was/is amazing and you feel like you can never live up to your expectations of how you should be?

Seeking Healthy Boundaries and Compassion

Would you like to have healthy boundaries? Be more compassionate and less judgmental? Would you like to learn some tools so you can care for yourself amidst the chaos? Learning to take small steps to take care of yourself will give you more energy to care for others. Think of the instructions on an airplane. Give yourself the oxygen mask first before trying to help anyone else.

A mindfulness practice and/or therapeutic counselling grounded in mindfulness supports you to set healthy boundaries, enabling you to move from being a people pleaser to doing what you can with the resources you have available.

A mindfulness practice builds your ability to be compassionate with yourself and others. Clients notice becoming less judgmental of themselves and others. You can also learn tools to support yourself in those moments of FRUSTRATION!!

What does all this bring up for you?

If you would like a conversation, please reach out by booking. discovery call via the button below.